Around 87% of people have engaged in dirty talk in the bedroom, with the vast majority of them saying they enjoyed it. Why, then, is it that we can get so embarrassed trying to initiate it? What if I say the wrong thing and ruin the mood? What if my partner isn’t into it? What if I laugh, or worse, they laugh at me?
If you’ve ever asked any of these questions, then don’t worry, you’re not alone, and we’re here to help level up your dirty talk game, and we’ve even brought along a pro to help out.
Introducing Lili, a high class London escort who’s kindly agreed to what it takes to dirty talk in the big leagues.
Why Dirty Talk Feels Riskier Than It Should
Most people can have sex more easily than they can talk about it. Dirty talk exposes vulnerability. It reveals fantasies, insecurities, power dynamics, and desires. It is no wonder so many people freeze the moment they try to speak. Speaking your desires into existence means there’s no taking it back. Once you’ve said it, they know, and that can be scary.
Lili’s thoughts: “The way we’ve been conditioned to see sex as taboo has ruined so many people’s ability to communicate what they actually want. I see it all the time, especially when it comes to kinky stuff. The key for me is to remember that nothing is as ‘weird’ as you make it out to be in your head.”
Start With Sensation Instead of Fantasy
Beginners often jump straight into highly explicit demands, which can feel unnatural. A simpler approach is to narrate sensations. Describe what you feel, what you notice, or what you enjoy in that moment. This creates intimacy without forcing theatrics, and it reinforces to your partner that you’re enjoying it, making them feel more confident and secure. Try saying something like:
- Your skin feels amazing.
- I like how you touch me.
- I love the way you taste.
These lines are easy to say and still turn up the heat.
Tone Matters More Than Vocabulary
Dirty talk fails when the tone feels disconnected from the words. Escorts and dominatrices understand how to use their voices as a tool. A slower pace signals confidence. A lower tone adds weight. A short pause builds tension.
You can practice tone privately. Read aloud and speak a little slower; explore how your voice changes when you relax your jaw or speak from your chest. A well-delivered simple line is more powerful than a complicated one delivered awkwardly.
Lili’s thoughts: “When I need to tap into some extra confidence, I find it helps to roleplay a little. I pick a character and really step into it. I think about how this confident, powerful, sexy boss would tell her lover what she wants.”
Begin With Questions
If you struggle to lead with statements, start by asking questions that invite sensuality.
- Do you like that?
- Do you want more?
- Where do you want me to touch you?
Questions take pressure off you and give your partner space to respond honestly. They also reveal what type of language they respond to, which can be an easy way to get on the same page.
Build Your Vocabulary Gradually
Dirty talk often feels embarrassing because people try to use unfamiliar words. Instead of forcing phrases you would never usually say, build your vocabulary from the language you already use. Professionals do this when tailoring their voice to each client. They adapt rather than perform.
Use the words that feel natural. Let your vocabulary evolve over time. The goal is authenticity, not imitation.
Lili’s thoughts: “Some words just feel off to me, and others drive me crazy, in the good way. It’s about working that out for yourself through trial and error, really, and keeping an open mind.”
Confidence Grows With Practice
Embarrassment fades with repetition. Professionals sharpen their dirty talk because they practise, not because they started fearless. Try speaking during moments of low pressure. Whisper into your partner’s neck. Send a playful message. Start small and build.
Every attempt strengthens your comfort.
Lili’s thoughts: “I’d say I’m pretty good at dirty talk now, but it took me a while to get here. The more you do it, the more you realise that it rarely actually goes wrong.”
Remember the Point
Dirty talk is not a performance. It is a way to connect, tease, excite, and reveal. If you approach it with warmth and curiosity, embarrassment dissolves. Professionals know this. Once you stop chasing perfection, your voice becomes one of your most seductive tools.